Austeritania (aka ‘The Brutish Isles’)
is famous for its bakeries and literature;
Jane Austere’s Mother’s Pride & Prejudice
being a prime example of writing from
the quills and inkwells of the upper crust.
Isambard Kingdom Bunuel’s Bridge de Jour
and The Discreet Charm of the Broad Gaugee
are considered masterpieces of Netflix,
though his controversial film An Andalusian
Dogger has been wheel-clamped
and withdrawn from circulation.
SNP Sturgeonia, formerly Scotland, gave
the world pennycillin, the universal cure
for skin flints, and Trainspotting: the curious
custom of applying adhesive dots to locomotives,
which many view as a protest against the rectilinear
constraints imposed by the traditional tartan tea cosy.
Its National Anthem is, of course, We Fuel Britannia.
Austeritania came into being after the Hundred
Day War in 2015, following the re-election of
the Con & Self-servative party, and the subsequent
referendum to withdraw the Untied Kingdom
from the Eurovision Thong Contest.
Unfettered by any plausible opposition from
south of the border, the Tory hordes wrote
the storyboards for the screenplay of the new
order we now live in: Austerity Bites, showing
for more than 1000 nights at a Food Bank near you.
Eddie Gibbons is an economic migrant from 1980s Liverpool. He is also the author of seven collections of poetry.
[Published in The Evergreen Vol. II]
